lifehill

Life
for me
is a day of sledding that never ends

To some, that might sound
invigorating,
stimulating,
bracing,
fun.

Those blithe souls
have not been on my lifehill
slid down
or climbed up.

Up is the real kicker.

most gravity sports work like that
you don’t get to the top by magic

life is the ultimate gravity sport.

and my lifehill is not just any hill
but a special kind of hell hill
made both of heaven and hill hell

the urban landfillhills around here
are for children,
the weak and easily amused.
little reward for little work.

consider my mountain
of waist-deep
untouched
pristine
snow
upon snow
upon snow

“This dump is epic”
“The pow today is absolutely gnarly”
say the rippers and bombers.
skiers are famously carefree.
and incomprehensible.
also,
they are going downhill

I know.
I’m talking sledding.
Downhill should be the Point
sometimes the point is not The Point
because

I’m still not up the hill.
still. not. up. the. hill.

“There’s no chairlift in sledding!”
I shout to the lighthearted in skis.
Envious? Likely.

I trudge, slog, plug,
plod
two minutes
two hours
two years
time loses meaning
reality, warped
all thoughts turn inward

lurch, lumber, bumble
stumble

lying breathless
pained lungs gasping
the heart’s blood pounding in my ears
sweating profusely
while feet and hands are numb with cold

Incongruities abound

perhaps I’ll just slide down from here
enjoy the half of it at least

my mama didn’t raise a quitter

I proceed, persist, persevere
endure, extend
pretend?

My thoughts turn to others
I’m no monster.
I tramp around excessively
whilst scaling the summit
blazing a trail
grooming the path
easing the way for those who will follow.
or for myself?
when I make the climb again?

Is any act completely free from self?

At long last, I reach the top
but is it?
the top?
won’t higher points always await?

I’ve never breathed thin air
at the apex of Everest.
only 5,000 have ever done so
how high is high enough
for the rest of us?

At least for today,
this day,
this peak
is THE Peak.

so down we go

The fun(?) begins(!)

Before you know it
far too quickly
you’re at the bottom
we’re at the bottom
I’m
at the bottom.

more to pronouns than meets the eye
methinks.

Do I just lie here a while?
contemplate the mysteries of mortality?
my poem, my lifehill!

can’t lie here forever
can’t slide any further down
a simple law of physics
demands a choice

quit
or climb

again.