calendarize – #SoCS

The Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with cal.” Use a word starting with the letters “cal” as your prompt word. Have fun!


I’m all for a good neologism when it makes sense in poetry. Sometimes you JUSTGOTTADOIT and “creatilize” something that just can’t be said another way. Or maybe you are desperate for a rhyme or want to be funny. At least I have GOOD REASONS.

I am NOT a fan, however, of made up or weirdly applied words (in the workplace, particularly) to make oneself sound… I don’t know… “smart” is definitely not the right word.

Calendarize

Why did someone feel the need to turn this noun into a verb when “PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR” worked just fine ever since we had… calendars?

“Be sure to ‘socialize’ this with your team so it can be ‘calendarized’. It’s important to ‘cascade’ this to your teams so we have a ‘holistic’ view on the ‘fluidity’ of the situation”.

Word Salad.

None for me thanks – I’m full.

Clue phone – to the smart among us – you don’t sound “smart”.

Although – it appears to work with senior management, so… kudos to you… I guess?

I’m thinking of starting a bingo card for leadership meetings and calls, just to keep myself from spontaneously combusting at all of the nonsense.

I’m sorry – does “combustionizing” work better for you?

In addition to the aforementioned nonsense, add these to the list of words and phrases that stimulate my gag reflex.

Gaggitize.

They aren’t necessarily made up, but they are faddish, and we had PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVES in place before we felt a need to get “buzzy” with our business-speak.

Speaking of faddish, remember “shifting your paradigm”? That was a big one about 20 years ago. You don’t hear it anymore.

I rest my case.

A partial list (with parenthetical commentary where needed and/or funny):

  • calendarize (we’ve covered this)
  • solution it / solutionize (whatever happened to “solve”?)
  • socialize (talk about it with your team. I remember when “socialize” was happy hour, back when we had time to drink “after work”)
  • cascade to your teams (share, distribute, forward this email) – see also “waterfall” and “knowledge-share” – see also “socialize
  • lean in (work harder with no resources and produce the same outcomes, aka “deal with it”)
  • find efficiencies (see “lean in”)
  • dig deep (see “lean in”)
  • automate (see “lean in”)
  • it is what it is (stop asking for anything to be different or better)
  • fluid/fluidity (we don’t know what the hell is going on – stop asking)
  • holistic/holistically (I think we used to call this “big picture” or “taking the long view”. Those are long gone – see “paradigm shift”)
  • a lot of moving pieces (we have no idea what’s going on. Stop asking)
  • granular (ummm, pay attention to details? Like a professional should?)
  • synergistically (WORK TOGETHER, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)

Actually, you know what? Let’s get this out of the way all at once.

An ACTUAL email, from someone I will leave nameless (I’m probably getting fired anyway), just to give you a taste of all the brow furrowing I do on a daily basis these days (This is for real, with a couple redactions to protect the…. umm…. innocent):


Let’s discuss your needs. If it’s something account-specific, I may need to pull you in to advise as I need to keep you closely aligned upon account requests so that we can partner together upon information or needs. We need to have a team mentality as well and know that others are doing their best. I do want to discuss with you when we meet, but the email to xxxxxxxxx regarding xxxxxxxx was unacceptable in regards to phrasing – we need to think through how we may be able to offer assistance as a team, knowing that everyone has competing priorities right now and is busy. I am here to also offer assistance any time that we need to discuss something. If we are feeling behind, we need a tactical approach as to game plan to cover distribution of work, etc. I would encourage that if you are feeling overwhelmed we need to think through steps to take to get to where we need to be as an end result. I am happy to provide guidance around priorities as well.


I swear – I did. not. change. a. thing. except for the xxxxx’ing out of names.

I think this gif needs to be used again…

That is all. Continue with your day. May it be synergized with all the calendarizing your heart can hold.

Thoughts and prayers.


#SoCS comes from the website of Linda G. Hill.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

7 Comments

  1. “You’ve irritated my grammarian nature intensely with your syntax in this email. You’re loquacious and pedantic when you deign to address my issues.”

    Btw … if her name begins with ‘P’ I wouldn’t be surprised.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL, you are so funny. I think “calanderize” is the least stupid of all of the examples you mention. As a side note, this reminds me of some comment one of my linguistics professors used to make, that in English, every noun can be verbed. There is no proper Dutch word for “verb” as a verb.

    Liked by 1 person

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