The Paradox – Sonnet XXXIV

My discipline had left me once again;
A daily duty, nay, my peace, was missed.
I thought by now I’d skirt the coming pain;
with mental bruises wanting to be kissed.
But threat of harm is not enough to drive
me to the actions which I think will save;
Instead I find I’ll knowingly deprive
myself of soothing sustenance I crave.
Why fail to act when acting holds the key?
This riddle I have just begun to solve.
The pow’r of will that’s been the pow’r of me,
I find now lacks; a gladly lost resolve?
This paradox has mostly worked for good;
The “did” I’ve done far better than the “should”.