It’s a SIGN…

I finished a coloring last night…

I woke up at EXACTLY 5:20 without my alarm…

Yes. it’s now 5:52… I had to make coffee and read first. All part of the process.

I messaged my boyfriend at 5:25 telling him I thought it was TIME TO WRITE, and I really didn’t expect to hear from him until he got up later.

He responded immediately.

He had awakened at 5:20…

So yeah, it’s a SIGN. Time to write!

Or IS it a “sign” at all?

I’ve actually stopped believing in “signs”. For one thing, if you really believe in Biblically inspired spiritual warfare (as I did for most of my life), it’s too hard to tell if a “sign” is God telling you to DO something, NOT do something, or Satan KEEPING you from doing something or TEMPTING you to do something. It’s really all quite exhausting. I’ve departed from that sort of sign reading.

Sorry, mom.

If you take “God Signs” out, you are left with “Cosmic Messages”, which can also confuse, because on any given day, the “sign” might point in a different direction than it did yesterday. You’ll end up running all over the place following the cosmos’s direction for your life. Also exhausting and not a very good way to plot your path (at least in my experience).

What I HAVE noticed is that I can trust my own “Deep Knowing” (thank you, Glennon Doyle), and SOMETIMES things in the universe align to make following my “Deep Knowing” easier (I have a hand motion that goes along with “Deep Knowing” – I may have to make a video for you. When I’m not writing in my boxer shorts).

Other times, following my “Deep Knowing” does NOT align with the “Universe”, or at least the part of the universe closest to me and impacting my decisions. That doesn’t mean my Deep Knowing is wrong:

Sometimes when people say:
“I don’t know what to do…”

What they actually mean is:
“I am not ready to accept the potential consequences of what my inner knowingness is inviting me to do.”

@Xavierdagba on Instagram

And sometimes, the Universe conspires to make those potential consequences look insurmountable.

Stupid universe.

Maybe, if there are any “signs” at all, they are just there to see if I will trust my Deep Knowing, whether They make it easy for me or not…

Now, lest my Christian friends think I’ve gone off the deep end, let me assure you I have not abandoned “faith”. It just looks very different than it used to. I’m fairly certain my Deep Knowing is a Oneness with God, and I think Jesus is probably the best example ever of someone who followed Deep Knowing, ESPECIALLY when the universe made it scary. Hence, I still identify as a Christian.

I’ve just jettisoned a lot of the dogma that goes with that label.

And I sure as HELL have not adopted the political stance of many of my Evangelical siblings in faith, but that’s another post altogether.

Anywho – if you are a regular reader of mine, you know I struggle with wrapping up. I’m the Beethoven of the blogosphere (listen to the longest coda in the world at the end of the 5th symphony – you’ve never heard so many tonic/dominant “endings” in your life).

See?

I can’t finish.

But I’m going to.

It’s now 6:35 and time to get the day going.

My Deep Knowing says I should get my children to school and start my work day.

Good advice, and no Signs whatsoever.