And I survived.

The Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “start your post or one paragraph with the word ‘anyway.’” Bonus points if you start your post with “anyway” and regular points if you use it in a paragraph somewhere else in your post. Enjoy!


Anyway…

49 years ago at Christmas, my parents divorced. We moved to a strange place at a strange time. It was difficult. It was confusing. It was right for them. I blame no one.

And I survived.

Anyway…

26 years ago at Christmas, I married my best friend. I feared at the time that I was gay, but I thought I would “get better”.

I didn’t.

And I survived.

Thrived, even, for many years. There has been much fun and love all along the way.

Anyway…

4 years ago at Christmas, I tried to end my life. Nothing seemed to be “working” anymore.

And I survived.

The year after the attempt was hell.

Anyway…

Once I was glad not to be dead, I decided it was time to embrace my “imperfections” (thank you, Brené Brown) and for living into my “authentic” self.

I publicly “came out” as gay, fully intending to stay married, love, and care for my family as I always had (It wasn’t Christmas – sorry for spoiling the parallel theme…). I used Pride Month (June) of 2020.

It was scary.

And I survived.

Anyway…

Then I fell in love with someone.

This Christmas, I’m moving out.

There is fear. For all of us.

And I will survive.

We will survive.

I’m learning that leaning into fear and moving forward is difficult, but in the end, I don’t die. We don’t die.

We can do hard things (thanks, Glennon Doyle).

#imagoddamncheetah

Anyway…

Merry Christmas to all. Give and receive love. Be kind. Do hard things.

You will survive.

We will survive.

Thrive, even.


#SoCS comes from the website of Linda G. Hill.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

4 Comments

  1. Yes, to all you wrote. I admire your courage through all of it, including the forthcoming move. Moving is hard, regardless of the situation. Add “situation” and well… yeah. I needed to read this today. SoCS gave me a couple of gems, wildly different in content, yet still applicable to my own, current “situation.” I am not young (not sure how I got old), in my early 60s. The upcoming 18 months promises nothing but struggle and hell as I work towards a goal. At the end of all of that, the goal is to move to Scotland, to be in a not-currently-normal-for-society relationship with the man I love. Hooboy howdy, I needed your insights and words today. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you have had to deal with these difficult times, but glad you are surviving. Prior to leaving my husband in 2009, I lived with the fear for two years of what divorce would bring – would I survive on my own financially and emotionally. The answer for me then and for you now is YES. We find the courage to keep moving forward and find the life that brings us happiness. I wish that for you in 2023 – happiness living in truth with someone you love.

    Liked by 2 people

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