So, it’s another day where my poetry fails to flow, but instead of retreating to the handy haiku, I’ve decided to free-write for half an hour and not allow myself any edits. I’ll even screen shot where it shows how many times I edit after saving my drafts just to prove it to myself and to you.
This is an experiment. welcome.
I have an extremely stressful day ahead. I’ve canceled all unnecessary meetings and tasks to focus on a major issue with one of my clients. It is causing sleeping and waking anxiety. Everything I’m reading about anxiety and learning in therapy is that I need to stay in the present and stay away from past regrets and future possibilities, so that is my goal today. Handle the task at hand. I will give it my all, and then I will try to rest knowing I have done my best.
If you know me at all, it goes without saying that this is REALLY, REALLY hard for me. REALLY. But I’m working on it. Which means I’m further along than I was even a year ago, so.. silver linings, right?
I also sort of let loose on my boss yesterday (in a way that was as respectful as I could be, of course) about some of the places I feel hamstrung to do good work, and it felt really good. I hope I don’t get fired, but if I do, at least I stood up for myself and made my case. Authenticity involves risk – always. That doesn’t mean I say everything I think. Prudence is a virtue (I think), and I like to think I’m fairly virtuous (not to be confused with “virtue signaling”, but that’s a post for another time).
Anyway – I have quite a day ahead of me. My goal – stay in the present, do what I can do, and let go of the rest. My “best” is generally pretty darn good, and I need to rest in that.
Oh, I also have a couple trusted friends where I can bitch up a storm when I need to. That seems to help, but I’m wondering how wise it is… your thoughts are welcome.
Have a great day, all. I will do my best to have my best.
By the way – typing this reduced my present anxiety a TON. Thank you.
defying atrophy 