laws of attraction – #SoCS

As happens with most “Stream of Consciousness” entries, this one started in my head before I started writing, which I suppose is sort of cheating, but in this case, the cheating sort of fits the topic and where it took me.

The prompt word is “magnet”, and at first it didn’t really trigger much, to be honest. I always liked magnets as a kid, especially when you flip the poles and they repel rather than attract.

Aha.

Is that whole “opposites attract” thing really true, outside of magnetic properties? So I Googled “law of attraction” to see what sort of stuff might get my brain going, and I (of course) rabbit trailed from article to article and ended up on a personality quiz (ONLINE? Shocking! How do I find one of those?) that would supposedly show me my “Top 4 Emotional Needs” which I suppose is akin to my “love languages” if you’ve done any of those activities (which, if you are in a relationship, I highly recommend as accurate and extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others).

Anyway, here are my results:

Now, anyone who knows me is probably saying, “duh”, right now, but that’s not my point. Most of these quizzes/inventories/assessments come out similarly for me. What I’m reflecting on, though, is this idea of whether or not “opposites attract”.

Let’s look at each of these in order, and I’ll give you my thoughts (at least regarding the people I tend to attract or be attracted to):

Need to Be Accepted/Liked

If the law of opposites attracting holds true, I should want to surround myself with people who are already self-assured in themselves and feel no need to be accepted/liked by others. WRONG. People with that level of self-assurance make me uneasy. Where is your vulnerability? You MUST have one, otherwise I’m defective. I’m much more comfortable with people who need me to like and accept them as much as I need it from them. Maybe that’s some sort of unhealthy codependency at work, but it’s very true for me. From a “magnetic” standpoint, it seems like I run to those people, and they to me.

Need for Peace/Balance

Again, if the law holds true, I should be attracted to people who thrive in chaos. NOPE. People who are awash in either ALL leisure or ALL business make me feel like a freak. Don’t you ever work? Don’t you ever stop thinking about work? Where’s your midpoint? I want you to have one so I know we are in roughly in the same place. Your balance may not need to be the same as mine, but I need you to be seeking YOUR balance spot. And when you find that spot, I need you to be OKAY in that spot. This is probably a control thing (a need which I’m surprised didn’t make the list – it’s probably #5), but again, opposites don’t attract for me here. Keep the chaos and the crazies away from me.

Need to Achieve

Now we’re entering psychotherapy land. I probably need to kick this “need” to the curb, or at least a big part of it, because I WAY over-attach achievement to worth. But setting that aside – we DO need to achieve things on a day-to-day basis, no? STUFF NEEDS TO GET DONE. People like me make the world go around, whether you like it or not. And returning to the “opposites attract” maxim, the opposite of “achievement” for me is “laziness”, and I have no use whatsoever for lazy. Our kids liked “Thomas the Tank Engine”, and as we watched, we realized Thomas and his friends were recognized, celebrated, and rewarded when they were “useful”. We’ve often wondered if that is a particularly
“British” thing. If so, I’ve got some in me, mate. I like to be around others like that. I want to be useful to others in my achievements, but I’m also looking for the same in the people I keep closest to me (or who are drawn(?) to me). I’m afraid I’m starting to reveal a bunch of mental/emotional unhealth at this point, but it’s a stream of consciousness assignment AND I CAN’T BREAK THE RULES or people might not like accept/like/appreciate/value me, right?

Oh hey – funny how this all fits together:

Need to Appreciated/Valued

Even this assignment fits my needs. When I’m done and hit “Publish”, I want my work valued. As much as I TRY to say (and believe) that I write for myself and don’t care if anyone else reads or likes it, my frequent visit to the “stats” page blows that RIGHT out of the water. Of course I want people to appreciate and value me! Who doesn’t? Freaks, that’s who. OK, maybe that’s a little harsh. But seriously, there are only a couple possibilities for the opposite of this need: 1) you are some sort of truly unselfish, altruistic individual (which is commendable. Congratulations. Stay away from me), or 2) you’ve killed anything in yourself that needs any kind of recognition from anyone for anything (I’m not sure you exist. If you do, stay away from me). Maybe I’m projecting, but gosh, doesn’t EVERYONE need to feel appreciated and valued? Maybe it’s not in your “Top 4” like mine, but if you wanna hang with me, it’s probably in your “Top 10” or you don’t need me around to “achieve” for you (see how that works?)

So today’s journey through stream of consciousness has shown (at least in my own head – you’re welcome to join men – or not) that I am definitely NOT attracted to the opposite of myself. “Magnetism” in my relationships are more about similarities than dissimilarities. Maybe my data sample is too small just looking at emotional needs (maybe the PhD likes the high school drop-out, it happens), but this seems like a decent place to end.

I don’t know that I’m pulling anything useful out of this for myself or any of you, but I’ve achieved my goal for the day, and I hope you accept/like/appreciate/value something here. Please
“like” or “follow” me. Please?

And now, I am at peace. Time for my second cup of coffee.

---

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “magnet.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.