Impenetrable – #SoCS

The prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “pin.” Use it as a noun, use it as a verb, use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

I printed a poster for myself. I needed it for my cubicle. I needed something.

Anything.

The previous two months had been the worst I’d ever experienced in a workplace, and that’s saying something. Every day had been an exercise in futility. The skills I brought to the job which they said they wanted and needed had largely gone to waste. There was no interest in “vision” or “process” or any of the other enticing words they’d used to get me to accept the position in June.

I’d been duped. And THAT’S saying something.

Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter, I knew I had to find a way to stay motivated, do my job with the excellence I expect of myself, and somehow not self-combust in the process. I had tried operating in “third gear” or a “medium” setting, but that just left me feeling disappointed in myself for not giving what I know I am capable of giving. I had tried giving EVERYTHING to see if I could budge the monolith of dysfunction I was facing, but that just left me frustrated as none of the extra effort was recognized. I’m not the sort of person who REQUIRES “attaboys” to stay motivated, but when nothing is acknowledged, you can only keep up that level of effort so long.

So I made a poster. Just a simple poster in Microsoft Word to put on the wall where I would see it while I worked:

Peace and Productivity.

I also printed out a Pride flag to remember who I was (and perhaps to stick my finger just a little bit in the eye of a management team that seemed frightened to death of diversity of any kind).

I already had scheduled moments throughout the day with calendar reminders to tell me to step away, breathe, center, and reset. I wasn’t especially obedient to those reminders (snooze. snooze. snooze. snooze… dismiss), but when I did take the time, it was immensely helpful.

Perhaps constant reminders in front of my face would be better?

I printed them out and went hunting for thumb tacks.

I live in cubicle world – surely there are thumb tacks to be found someplace?

After searching the office supply…. shelf…. next to the kitchen in vain, I took four push pins not currently in use from a bulletin board in the break room and returned to my cube to hang my links to sanity.

The. Pins. Would. Not. Go. In.

I bent one using my brute force (HA!) in one impotent effort.

What the hell were these cubicle panels made of?

Impenetrable.

I opted for tape.

Five minutes later I received a meeting invite from my manager asking me to bring my computer to the conference room “so we can put the open positions up on the big screen” (I’m a recruiter, in case you’re wondering what that’s about).

That was a ruse. Like everything else, just a false reason to get me someplace else, to do something else.

“We are separating your employment from us, effective immediately… blah blah blah… we just don’t see that you are a fit for our culture here.”

That may have been the understatement of the century.

I was handed my letter of termination, my computer was taken from me, and I was walked to the front door where a box with my cubicle belongings awaited me.

On the top lay my new poster:

Peace and Productivity.

Indeed.


#SoCS comes from the website of Linda G. Hill.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

2 Comments

  1. I hope that you can see your way through this. I take it you work for an American firm ! Two of my son’s work for and have worked for big American firms… Don’t take holidays, don’t take breaks, don’t be different, work all hours. I think the way they treated you is dispicable! I hope you find a good job where you are appreciated.💜

    Liked by 1 person

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