Mystery Meal

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “product/produce.” Use one, use them both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!

Hey, remember me?

I was once a faithful #SoCS contributor. I went away for a few months. Couldn’t write. I came back and wrote one Saturday entry.

One.

In March.

Now it’s nearly July.

What is going on?

Well, obviously, I’m not producing. Or, more accurately, when I force myself to produce, I don’t like the product. So I just… don’t.

And while that may seem like something is “wrong” (and trust me, plenty is still wrong and will continue to be wrong – this is LIFE, afterall), I think the freedom to step away and say “writing isn’t going to happen today; I think I’ll focus on other areas of self-care” is a HUGE step forward for me.

Now I just have to SEE it as the step forward it is.

Because my heart (if not my head) still feels like a slacker. “What? No writing? WHAT ARE PEOPLE GOING TO THINK?”

What are people going to think… indeed.

I’ve lived my life “producing” what I believe will cause the most people to be most pleased with me in any given situation. In a different situation, with different people, I produce something different. To the point that sometimes I’m not even sure who I am. An unopened aluminum can with the label missing. I’ve slapped so many different labels on over the years, I actually forgot what was in the can in the first place.

Or, maybe I actually become a different product?

No that’s not possible. Trust me – I’ve tried.

I is what I is.

I’m no longer trying to be anything other than what’s in the can.

And the only way to find out what’s in the unlabeled can?

Open it.

And here’s the thing – what IS in the can is who I am, regardless of the label, regardless of who I want you to think I am. Regardless of who YOU think YOU want ME to be. There’s a fine line.

Ultimately, I need to learn that I can’t produce (or be a product) anything other than what I am. Sure, there is always room for refinement and growth, but I’m talking about who I am at the core. And as I open the can, the product within is all that COULD be within. Efforts to relabel have only caused hurt all around, because it’s foolish to think a label change can change the contents of the can.

So I keep opening up. I’m becoming closer to myself than I’ve ever been.

Some people don’t like what’s in the can.

Well, as they say, there’s no accounting for taste.

And I’m learning there are plenty of others who WILL and DO like it, which really doesn’t matter (except it does – I still have work to do). But most importantly, I like what’s in the can.

And I’m no longer afraid to open and see (and show) what’s inside.

Pull up a chair. It’s time for a mystery meal.

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#SoCS comes from the website of Linda G. Hill.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.